


Alsmiffy Doesn't Human Gender

by Mr Son (MrSon)



Category: The Yogscast
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-24
Updated: 2014-02-24
Packaged: 2018-01-13 14:06:49
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,093
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1229263
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MrSon/pseuds/Mr%20Son
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Alsmiffy is a slime and, like most Minecraft creatures, doesn't have gender like humans do. And Smiff thought it was a pretty dress.</p><p>(Note to the Yogscast: Do not read any of my fics on stream.)<br/>(I do not support the Yogscast company. I write because I enjoy the characters.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Alsmiffy Doesn't Human Gender

=== === ===

Of all the things that came with living among humans, clothing was probably one of Alsmiffy's favorites. The way it protected him from the burning sun, and from scratching branches, and from freezing cold, and from getting dirt stuck in his skin... all that would have sold him on the idea.

But it was also pretty! There were so many colors, and styles, and different parts he could match up and look wonderful in. He favored his typical combination of suit, tie, and oxfords because someone told him it looked "sharp", which sounded like a fine way to look to him. Sharp, like a weapon. Dangerous and not to be messed with. Not some common slime for adventures to cut to pieces and stuff into their bags.

He was beginning to feel a little bored of the outfit, however. With his friends at his side, he no longer held so much worry over random adventurers thinking he was simply another monster, and he didn't feel as much need to try to look dangerous or intimidating. It was high time he expanded his wardrobe.

He'd been asking around at the testificate villages when he found something intriguing. Apparently one of the testificates had a human friend who'd given them the garment as a gift, but they couldn't stand it and didn't want to wear it. They also didn't want to return it to their human friend and risk insulting her generosity. And none of the other testificates were interested in it, either. Smiff bought it for a pittance of emeralds.

Back in his tower, Smiff slipped his new outfit on. It was yellow and white and blue, and he thought it looked bright and happy. The long white sleeves would protect his arms from the sun. They were loose, and draped down when he lifted his arms, and he liked the way they moved when he swung his arms around.

The bottom part was an interesting change from his previous pants. The yellow fabric brushed against his legs, instead of hugging tight around them. When he turned to look for a mirror, the fabric twirled around him, spinning itself tight around his legs, then bouncing out the other way and loosening again.

He spun a couple of times for the feel of it, then turned his attention to the top half of the outfit. It was far too loose in the front, and after a few moments, he realized why. It had been tailored by a human, for human features. Specifically, by a female human. And the female humans had growths of flesh on their chests. He shifted some of his mass up to mimic the effect, which made the top become properly snug.

Giving up on the idea of a mirror, he slipped his shoes back on, and grabbed his goggles. He was eager to show off his new look to his friends. Maybe they could suggest... what was the word? Accessories, that was it. Accessories to go with it.

As he stepped out of his tower, Ross was there, fussing over the detailing of a wall.

"Hey, Ross!" Smiff called as he walked over.

Ross turned his head, and froze, dropping the brick he'd been about to slip into place. "Smiff?"

"Check this out." Smiff spun around, the fabric spinning with him, a breeze tickling playfully up his legs. "I got it really cheap at some village."

Ross opened and closed his mouth a few times, then said, "It's a dress, mate."

"Well, yeah." Smiff blinked at him. "I thought my old outfit was getting a bit boring, so I decided to spice up my closet a bit."

Ross shook his head. "I just... well. I didn't know you were into that sort of thing."

"Why wouldn't I be into clothes?" Smiff was starting to feel really confused now. "Clothes are awesome."

"Yeah, but I didn't really peg you for a crossdresser, mate." Ross shrugged. "I mean, nothing wrong with it, I just wasn't expecting it of you."

Smiff looked down at his outfit. "What the hell is crossdressing and how is this it?"

Ross stared. "What is-... Dresses are for _girls_ , mate. You didn't _know_?"

"Obviously not." Smiff pulled at a fold in his top. He had realized that _this_ dress had been made for a female, but a whole style of clothing? "...I just thought it looked nice."

Ross shrugged again. "Well, it's weird for a guy to go around in women's clothing, but if that's what you like, go for it."

"It's ridiculous." Smiff grumbled, "I'm going to keep wearing it; it's not like I'm male anyway."

Ross was staring again. Smiff scowled back at him. "You're a girl?"

"Of course not, you idiot." Smiff was regretting not bringing his lightning wand with him. It seemed Ross could stand to have the stupidity zapped out of him. "I'm a slime, remember? We don't have separate sexes like humans do."

Smiff could see that idea bouncing off of the insides of Ross' skull before it finally located the brain.

"Oh. Um. That's kinda weird mate, but okay. Er... Should I call you something other than 'him'?"

Smiff slapped a hand over his forehead. "I don't care. But it's _not_ weird. You humans are the weird ones. Or did you not pick up on the fact that _most_ species in Minecraftia only have one sex?"

This idea seemed to sink in a little faster. Ross' gaze slipped over the edge of the platform down towards the chicken farm. "Oh. Right. I guess that should have been obvious."

"Yes." Smiff folded his arms, shifting a bit to find the best position with his new chest shape. "With that silliness out of the way, would you tell me what you think of the dress?"

Ross turned to look back at Smiff. "Er... It's nice I guess? I'm not really the best guy to ask about fashion, mate."

Smiff let out a wordless grumble of exasperation and started to turn away, before being stopped by Ross' surprised, "Huh?"

"What?"

Ross was staring at Smiff's chest. "When did you get tits, mate?"

Smiff opened his mouth to explain, _again_ , that he was a slime -- a slime who could _change shape_ \-- then abruptly decided that he was _done_ with this conversation. He turned on his heel and stormed off towards his tower, leaving Ross standing confused among his piles of stone and marble bricks.

When Smiff went to show his new dress to Trottimus, he would make sure to bring his lightning wand. Just in case.

=== === ===

**Author's Note:**

> [The drawing I did of the dress](http://mr-son-wip.tumblr.com/post/77581219517/i-wrote-a-fic-in-which-alsmiffy-wears-a-dress) to figure out what it would look like.


End file.
